who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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