Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you didnt know i had herpes?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
