dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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