At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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