I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
