I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Found the puke drawer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I will pee on everything he values.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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