it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
