Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
