do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
