i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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