Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
