i don't like sucking hair
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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