Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
