Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
