the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
