While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
