ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
