I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
