I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
