I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
