the new term for farting is butt boxing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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