can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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