I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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