plz talk dirty to me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
