I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
