Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
