his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
