You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
