I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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