she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
