his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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