Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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