Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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