Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
