I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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