Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
