We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
