I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
