You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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