she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
