"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
