I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
