I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
