Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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