Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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