Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
