Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
