I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
