You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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