I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
