I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
