worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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