I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
